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How to teach your child to speak up for themselves

Some children stay quiet when they are treated unfairly, like when a friend snatches a toy or someone pushes in line. Speaking up calmly and clearly is an important skill. It helps children stay safe, make friends and feel confident. Here are 8 tips and 12 phrases to practise.

By the Eloqova team · Updated 10 November 2026

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Calm and clear: Speaking up doesn't mean shouting. Teach your child to stand tall, look at the person and say it in a steady voice.

8 tips to help your child speak up

  1. Teach the difference between polite, firm and rude.
  2. Practise a strong voice: clear and steady, not loud or angry.
  3. Role play common situations, like someone taking a pencil or cutting in line.
  4. Teach body language: stand tall, look at the person, keep hands still.
  5. Let your child make small choices at home and say what they want.
  6. Don't speak for your child when they can speak for themselves.
  7. Teach them when to get an adult's help, especially if they feel unsafe.
  8. Praise them every time they speak up, even in a small way.

12 phrases to practise

SituationPhrase
Someone takes your thingsPlease give that back. It's mine.
Someone pushes in lineExcuse me, I was here first.
Being teasedPlease stop. I don't like that.
Left out of a gameCan I play too?
DisagreeingI think differently, because...
Saying noNo, thank you. I don't want to.
Needing spacePlease give me some space.
Unfair rulesThat doesn't seem fair. Can we take turns?
Not heard in a groupCan I share my idea, please?
Something feels wrongI'm going to tell a teacher.
Asking for helpCan you help me, please? Someone is bothering me.
Standing up for a friendPlease stop. That's not kind.

How to practise at home

  1. Role play 2 situations a week.
  2. Practise the strong, calm voice in front of a mirror.
  3. Ask each evening: "Was there a time today you spoke up?"
  4. Read stories where a character stands up for themselves and talk about them.

Questions parents ask

Why doesn't my child stand up for themselves?

Many children don't know what to say, fear upsetting others or worry about getting into trouble. Practising simple phrases builds confidence.

How do I teach my child to be assertive but not rude?

Show the difference between polite, firm and rude, and practise saying things clearly and calmly with steady eye contact.

When should my child get an adult's help?

Whenever they feel unsafe, are hurt, or the problem continues after they have spoken up.

More free guides

Want expert help? See our public speaking classes for kids: live 1:1 online classes for UKG to Grade 8.